An Appetite for Love Page 43

  Because of this depression and feeling like I was out of my body most of the time, I ended up having a terrifying experience that will be engrained in my mind forever!

  One night, I was lying in bed and was about to fall asleep, when a spirit came to me. Now this was not out of the ordinary for me once I started my spiritual journey, and I usually welcomed any beings that were visiting me if they were vibrating on a high frequency. In fact, I had only had positive encounters with spirits up until that point because I was matching their positive frequency. However, that was not the case on this particular night. A spirit came from behind me while I was laying on my side and had at first enveloped me in a loving embrace. Since I was halfway awake and half asleep, I had a hard time discerning if the being was of the flesh or was in spirit form. It didn’t matter to me though because the energy felt so welcoming and it felt just like the soul-mate energy I had experienced many times. It was buzzing all around me and filled up my body with a love vibration. I turned around to face this being. This was NOT a dream, by the way. I was awake and physically turned my body around. I ended up looking into the eyes of a man who told me that he had finally found me and we were supposed to be together. I knew that he was a spirit at that point but he felt like a solid body. He began to kiss me and I felt the surge of amazing energy go through my lips. It was all so confusing and wonderful at the same time. At that point, I was assuming that he was someone in my soul-group who cared about me and had come to let me know that everything was going to be ok. I fully embraced this energy...until in a split second, EVERYTHING switched. I opened my eyes and this man had turned into something evil looking. I can only describe it as a demon. The energy completely changed to one of a heavy, sickening feeling. The being began to lunge at me and I was literally fighting with it as I was laying on my side in my bed. It was holding me and I began screaming and telling it to leave. This did not work and it was holding me while I tried to push it away. I then remembered to ask for help, so I started calling for my angels and guides to help me. As I did so, the evil being vanished and I saw what appeared to be an angel hovering high in the air above the foot of my bed. It was life-size and was showing him/herself as a glowing white energy with huge white wings. It also disappeared shortly after showing itself to me.

  I was very confused for months after this incident because I couldn’t understand how I had attracted that. I came to the conclusion that because I was in such a state of depression and vibrating so low, that I was a magnet for spirits who were also vibrating on that level. It’s like tuning into a radio dial where they can reach you. It obviously used my weakness and desire to try to drain my energy. I still don’t know that I believe in demons, but I do believe that my mind was showing me what I could comprehend at the time. The angel was there for obvious reasons as well, which was to calm me down and get rid of the spirit. I suppose the experience helped me somewhat to release part of the distrust I had in a higher power.

  ~Chapter 6~

  Can This Really Be Happening Again?

  About a year and a half later and having been in two relationships with wonderful guys, I still longed for that soul-connection with someone. I felt that no one would ever compare to that feeling and I would never be completely happy with anyone unless I had that extreme connection. I tried not to compare anyone to my experiences but I couldn't help it. It was a deep yearning that consumed me. It felt like a blessing and a curse to me that I would only settle for that kind of love. I was soooo wanting the all-consuming connection with a life partner, even though I tried not to want it because I knew that was cutting me off from receiving it. I was aware of the law of attraction and simply could not stop the strong desire for something I didn't have. Nevertheless, I still was a reasonably happy person in general, which I think is how I was able to keep manifesting miracles. This next miracle happened close to home though.

  One night I went out with a friend of mine to a party on Treasure Island in the San Francisco Bay Area. We were in a rather large room or hall that had a DJ playing. My friend introduced me to some of his friends and among them was a guy that I had recognized from a TV show from several years back. It's funny because I had always thought he was cute on the show but I definitely wasn't star-struck or anything. It wasn't love at first sight, but once we met we were pretty much stuck together talking for a HUGE portion of the night and continually smiling. I felt an emotional pull towards him that was very compelling and I was really enjoying his company. That changed the second we kissed. It was just a very nice lingering kiss on the lips but as my lips touched his that electric energy shot into his lips and body and vice-versa into mine. After a few seconds of holding this lip lock, I pulled away and looked at him. His mouth had dropped wide open and he had a look on his face as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. It was hilarious because this was not new to me but obviously was to him. I think he said something like, "What was that!?" Haha! I asked him what he felt and he explained it as I just had. He said that he'd never felt anything like it before. He looked even more shocked when I told him that I'd felt it before. I was just thinking, "Oh boy, here we go again." haha...

  Even though I wanted another connection like this again, I was working on using more discernment with my guidance system AND with getting to know the person instead of just falling into the amazing soul energy that made me want to melt into that person. I knew from previous experiences that even though they are in my soul group, it doesn't mean they are right for me. I had questioned myself and my path so much, and I thought one of the reasons I was experiencing all of this with so many people was because it was something I agreed to do before I incarnated into this body, in order to open others up to this energy. I thought that maybe it was a job of mine to do and that's why I had this power. I basically rationalized everything in that manner to try to make sense of it. I really hoped that wasn't the case though because I wanted them to come into my life to share and enjoy it with me. So my guard was up, but not up so much that it blocked the energy connection with this next one, whose name is Malik.

  The few times we spent together were similar to the other experiences but different as well. The similarity was that there was the whole eye staring episodes and the wanting to be close to him, but this time there was an energy that I'd never felt before. A few times, there was a huge energy bubble surrounding us when I was standing against him. It was super heavy around us and when our hands came close to touching each other we would keep getting shocked.

  After a few weeks of staying in contact, I think we both realized that we probably weren't right for each other. One of the main reasons being that he wanted kids and I do not.

  However, we are still friends and almost every time we run into each other, there remains a strong connection.

  ~Chapter 7~

  Wish Upon a Star in Mexico

  About a month later, I went to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for another ten-day music festival called BPM. Miracles tend to happen for me at these festivals, as I've mentioned, because of the good energy surrounding the events and also spending time in a beautiful paradise.

  I had a lot of fun going to all of the parties and even meeting a few guys that I had a great time with, who were gorgeous and really sweet and attentive but there wasn't a strong soul connection or anything.

  I was actually somewhat surprised that there was only one night left of the festival and I hadn't met a soul-mate again. (Haha) I know it was only a month after the last one but I felt like my energy was still vibrating the same and I was on a roll, so I figured there was another coming soon. In fact, after Alex, I could sense when a soul-mate was coming.

  This was no exception, which explains why I was confused on the last night when it hadn't happened. Around 9 pm, I went up to our private rooftop of the condo and was relaxing on the lounge chair. The weather was perfectly warm and the sky was clear with extraordinary bright stars. I sat there, appreciating the moment and enjoyed the beauty of Playa.

 
I thought it would be fun to do another mock up, just like the one I had used to meet Tommy. I had become really good at controlling my destiny by utilizing different manifesting techniques and I had actually got a kick out of seeing what I had the power to do.

  This time, I thought that I would tweak the mock-up slightly. Normally, I would send my desire with all of the specifics out into the Universe but this time I sent it up to a really bright star that was flashing at me. When I was doing the mock-up I saw a vision of the guy that fit my type. I didn't try to imagine what I wanted physically in a guy. It was just a vision that was coming to me from my higher self or some higher source and I vividly saw someone. I KNEW after I sent it up to the star that I had done something magical but I had no expectation of meeting anyone because the mock-ups work best if you have no attachments to the outcome. I did, however, put specifics into the mock up, one being that I would meet him between 10 pm that night and 8 am the next morning.

  So, I went to the closing party with a friend and I knew that I was radiating a special energy. Let's just call it the soul-mate magnetizer energy (haha).

  Around 10:30 pm we were standing on the dance floor and I saw a VERY attractive Mexican guy standing with his friends. HIS FACE WAS THE ONE THAT I HAD SEEN IN MY VISION!!! I’m not exaggerating! We both kept looking at each other and I could sense that he had a special energy about him. I had to meet him!

  I was perhaps ten feet away and even though he kept looking at me, he didn't attempt to come to me. One of his friends come up to me and a friend of mine to offer us a drink, since they had bottle service. We accepted and then I was introduced to the person I had manifested. His name was Marco and he had the same large, dreamy, brown eyes that most of the others had. He was also tall, dark, and handsome, just like I had always imagined as my perfect type, physically.

  The odd thing was that I found out he had not approached me because he thought that his English wasn't very good. He sounded fine to me with the exception of me having to repeat things sometimes. We talked among our friends and eventually ended up dancing by ourselves, and as per my request through my mock-up, with the first kiss there was a strong pull and we were stuck together the whole night. His eyes wouldn't leave mine and there was intense passion between us, probably the most intense out of all of the previous experiences. Passion, of course, being different than love.

  We decided to leave the party and go sit on the beach, which was directly behind the club. We kissed passionately for hours and stared into each other's eyes. We were close to the water and could hear the waves crashing against the sand. Again, I heard what I interpreted as my Guide speaking to me. It was a voice that was REALLY loud and it was telling me over and over that he was my future husband. It was so loud and repetitive that I told it telepathically, "OK, I hear you. Please stop already!" Marcos kept asking me if I had something to tell him. Oh, the similarities of my past experiences! Ha! I told him that I didn't have anything to tell him, even though I had this voice telling me he was my future husband. I definitely wasn't going to tell someone that when I had just met him. He then said that he knew I had something to tell him and he asked me what I was feeling. I really just said nothing because I was scared to express anything after the past disappointments. He then said, "It feels like love," as he looked deeply into my eyes. He was so serious and intense. I got teary eyed and replied that it did feel like love and then I buried my head in his embrace because of the overwhelming wave of emotions I was feeling at that moment.

  We eventually left the beach and walked back to my condo in the early morning daylight. My place had people sleeping everywhere, so we went up to the rooftop and spent our last hour together on the same lounge chair where I had made the “wish upon a star” to meet him.

  He ended up leaving around 8 am because he needed to catch his flight. Thinking back, 8 am was the ending time I programmed the mock up for...there was an intense goodbye at the door and even though he lived in central Mexico, he said that he would keep in touch with me.

  Even though I had the messages from my guides, I didn't trust that anymore and I didn't have any expectations either. I knew that people have free will and sometimes fate changes because of it, so my destiny with him was not set in stone. I had also only seen him for one night on the very last night of the festival. There simply wasn't enough time to get to know him very well but yet, I was still open to any possibility.

  Surprisingly, he did contact me when he got home and thereafter for about three weeks every day and night through text pretty much non-stop. It was easier to communicate through text because of the language barrier. We were in the process of making plans to meet each other halfway somewhere to see each other and then all communication from him just stopped all of the sudden. The last thing that he said to me was that he thought that he was falling in love with me, and then there was nothing after repeated attempts by me to get a response from him on what had happened. I was really upset for a few weeks but then I just appreciated it for the wonderful night in Playa that it was.

  About eight months later he texted me and apologized for disappearing. The explanation was that he didn't understand why he had done that and he felt really bad about it. The apology didn't explain much, so I told him if he had a girlfriend that he could have just told me. He was adamant that it wasn't the case. He even tried to ask if he could see me at the festival that was coming up soon and I had no desire to put myself in the same position again, especially with someone who really couldn't give me a meaningful explanation of why he stopped writing. I will probably never know what the real reason was for the disconnect, that’s ok. Life went on and more importantly, I chose to stay in the moment and to be in a happy state of mind.

  ~Chapter 8~

  It was in the Cards (A Magical Night in the Rain)

  The three angel tarot cards I pulled for myself were the soul-mate card, the romance card, and the focus card. I always pulled three cards before going to my tropical music festivals, and they were almost always accurate. This time was no exception and I knew it right away when TWO love cards were pulled. There are only two love related cards in the deck, and I have never pulled them together!

  Twelve months after that night in Playa, I went to the same Miami festival where I had met Tommy. After pulling the three cards that were to represent my Miami experience, I absolutely KNEW I was bound to meet another member of my soul group. I could sense it coming like I always could. The difference this time was that I had no attachment at all in meeting another one since it seemed to me that it continually turned into a fleeting experience. Surprisingly though, I was still open to whatever was planned for me.

  ...and oh, what an unbelievable, supernatural, extraordinary story I have to tell…

  I was at this festival for nine days, and I was loving every minute of it and being in beautiful Miami again, where I always felt at home. I met a lot of nice people and had a great time at each event. I wasn't really thinking that much about meeting a soul-mate and was more about just enjoying every moment to the fullest, however, I still did sense that one was coming again. I remember thinking at certain parties that I knew he wasn't there.

  Towards the end of the festival there was a day where my friends had bought tickets for a different venue than I had, so I was going to my party alone. I was totally fine with this and was actually looking forward to being able to talk to people freely.

  The party I was going to was a rooftop pool party and it was taking place during the day and until 11 pm. I had wanted to get there during the day but for some reason I couldn't get myself together fast enough to make it early in the day. It was as if I was in slow motion or something.

  Once I did get fully dressed, I started to sense something special was going to happen. So I exited my condo and right when I closed the door it began to storm and rain poured down. The sky was a dark gray and the wind was whipping the palm trees and debris around. I immediately walked quickly back into my condo to wait it out.


  Now, I would assume that most people would be upset and disappointed by this circumstance, but I absolutely KNEW that it was the universe working its magic again to set me up at the right place at the right time. I don't know how I knew but I can only explain it as an overwhelming sense of knowing that engulfed my whole being right when it started raining as I tried to leave. It overtook me and I laughed out loud because I knew I was being rerouted back inside. Also, there was this energy in the air outside, from the storm I think, that was really magical. It felt like an electrical static energy in the air.

  So, I waited out the worst of the storm for about a half an hour. Tropical storms come and go quickly. Anyway, I left my place again and it was around 6:30 pm so it was still daylight but somewhat dark out because of the clouds. There was still an amazing buzz in the air even though people were appearing to freak out because of the wild wind and the possibilities of rain at any moment. Women were running down the street making sure their hair didn't get messed up in the wind, as it was flying around above their heads.

  I excitedly walked to my destination, which was supposed to be a few blocks from my condo according to the Google directions. It led me to Dream Nightclub. I tried to open the huge wooden doors but they were locked, so I went next door to ask the front desk people if they knew where the party was that I was looking for. They told me that a few people had made the same mistake and that I wanted Dream Hotel, not Dream Nightclub. I asked them what the address was and they told me it was 1111 Collins. My mouth dropped as I heard the address. The number “1111” is a highly spiritual number and it means you are manifesting quickly. I always see 1:11 or 11:11 as a sign. And the name of the hotel was DREAM Hotel! It was a clear indication that my intuition was right, and if that weren't enough, right at that moment, as the clerk was speaking to me, I heard a whole group of my guides talking at once very loud. I hadn't been able to tap into hearing them probably since the Marco experience, and here they were again. I didn't know what they were saying but it was as if they were having a meeting about me or something. I basically told them, telepathically, that I knew I was going to meet this special person that night. They then got even louder like they were validating me.