An Appetite for Love Page 63

  A bitter anger swept through Bella at the man’s audacity.

  “Doesn’t he care about the scandal? And his own reputation? Have you met him? What’s he like?”

  Mavis shook her head, “I haven’t seen him but I guess he’s one of those rare men who doesn’t give a fig about his reputation. To be honest Bella, he sounds a little terrifying from everything I’ve heard…maybe it would be best if you went back home now.”

  “He sounds like a great big bully Mavis. He doesn’t own me; he can’t make me do things.”

  “He is your fiancée,” Mavis pointed out, “legally he can.”

  “And that’s exactly what I don’t want in a husband, someone who will exert legal authority over me to make me do what he wishes. I’m not marrying him Mavis, he won’t find me down here. He can plan a wedding all he likes but when he gets jilted at the altar he’ll have to face the truth then.”

  Mavis was both appalled and a little proud of her friend’s resolve. She didn’t like the sound of this Duke too much either but she felt it was her moral duty to stop Bella from ruining her life. She had a feeling the Duke wasn’t the forgiving type and he wouldn’t take kindly to Bella’s insult. She tried explaining all of this to her but before she could finish, Bella dropped her second bombshell.

  “I especially can’t marry him Mavis because I met someone and I’m in love.”

  Mavis stared at her blankly, trying to imagine whom Bella could possibly have fallen in love with down in the country.

  “What do you mean? Who did you meet down here?”

  “The groom.” Bella said with a wide, happy smile.

  “I’m sorry…the what?” Mavis had difficulty forming the words because she wasn’t sure she had heard correctly.

  “The groom.” Bella repeated more firmly, her eyes sparkled with joy and she scooted closer towards Mavis on the bed, “Except he’s not just a groom, he’s also the gardener.”

  “Bella, what are you talking about? You’re in love with a groom that’s a gardener?” Mavis croaked.

  “Yes, I suppose. Well you see he’s the gardener I met in the garden that night, remember? The night of the kiss? It turns out he was employed by Lord Clarence as the groom here. And we’ve spent these last few weeks together and Mavis, I’m in love with him. I love him. I can’t marry the Duke.”

  “Bella, do you realize what you’re saying? You are a lady! The daughter of a Lord. You can’t marry a commoner! Certainly not a groom!”

  Bella jutted out her chin stubbornly,

  “I can and I shall.”

  “What are you planning on doing, spending the rest of your life working as a maid? Or do you intend to bring this yours back to London and set him like a gentleman?”

  Bella who hadn’t thought this far ahead in to the future was momentarily at a loss for words. She didn’t know exactly how the logistics would work but she knew it was something she had to do. Instead of answering Mavis’ question directly, she said softly,

  “I can’t explain any of it Mavis, all I know is I’ve never been as happy as when I’m with him. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. Let’s not talk about this anymore, tell me about what else in going on in London.”

  Mavis hated to drop the subject but she also knew Bella well enough to know now wasn’t the time. So she obliged by delving into the latest ton news instead.

  It was hours before the two friends were done talking and it was only as the sun started to rise on the horizon did they finally fall asleep.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN:

  Early the next morning Bella made her way to the stables for her morning ride and found that Luke was nowhere to be found. An eerie silence hung in the air and a horrible feeling settled into the pit of Bella’s stomach. She searched every corner of the stable softly calling out Luke’s name. Then from the corner of her eyes she caught sight of a piece of paper pinned to the saddle she normally used for Star. It was from Luke saying he was sorry but he couldn’t commit to marrying her and for her to please forgive him. She read the note over half a dozen times, trying to absorb the words but she felt numb. Had Luke really left her? Had he really stolen her virtue and left her?

  Over the next week Bella lived in a haze, only Mavis knew about what had happened. Within a few days a new groom was found since Luke had abandoned his post without explanation or warning. Heartbroken at Luke’s deception and betrayal, Bella didn’t care about what happened to her. All the fight was gone from within her leaving her with a soul filled with bitterness and anger directed towards herself for her foolishness and naivety. She found it impossible to believe she could have been so wrong about someone but Luke’s desertion proved she had indeed been wrong. And what a price she had paid! She cringed every time she recalled the night of their lovemaking when she had given herself to him willingly, wantonly. He had taken what she had given so freely and he had left her.

  “Bella, there’s someone here to see you.”

  She turned a listless face towards Mavis who hovered near the doorway, concern written all over her face.

  “Bella?” she repeated softly, “Bel I can tell him to leave if you wish.”

  At the word him, hope sprang alive within Bella and she shot to her feet,

  “Is it Luke?”

  Mavis’ eyes clouded over in sadness at her friend’s obvious pain and she shook her head.

  “No I’m sorry dear, it’s not Luke…I’m afraid it’s nothing good…its….it’s the Duke.” The words came out in a fearful whisper.

  “But I’m not letting you meet him alone; I’m coming with you.”

  But Bella shook her head,

  “No, it’s okay Mavis, I need to do this on my own. He can’t hurt me any worse than Luke did. After everything I’ve done to him, I owe him a truthful explanation.”

  Horror filled Mavis’ face,

  “You can’t mean to tell me you’re going to tell him about what happened?”

  “Of course I am Mavis, what choice do I have? He deserves better. Please tell him I’ll be down in a few minutes. I just want to freshen up a little.”

  Mavis nodded and left the room, closing the door gently behind her while Bella went to washstand to splash some cold water on face. She changed into a fresh dress, a lovely morning gown of periwinkle blue. She gathered her hair into a knot of curls over one shoulder; a few loose tendrils framed her pale, ashen face. She practiced a polite smile in the mirror but found it hard to form her stiff lips into anything more than a rigid line.

  She finished her speech and waited for him to say something or at least turn around. But the man did neither. He stood as still and unmovable as a rock, nothing in his stance betrayed the hint of an emotion. It was as if she hadn’t spoken at all. Bella began to wonder herself if the words she had practiced in her head on the way to the parlor had been spoken out loud to him. She debated whether she should repeat what she had said to him or try to make polite conversations.

  “Shall I call for some tea?” she asked at length when he still hadn’t moved or said anything.

  His stiff shoulders moved a little then at her question, and he started to turn around but at the last moment he changed his mind and marched out of the parlor through the open French windows to his left. He didn’t spare even a glance her way.

  Bella watched his retreating back with a mixture of relief and confusion. It was clear was angry, any man in his situation would be livid so she felt relieved at having escaped an angry tirade but she felt confused by it at the same time. He had gone to considerable lengths to track her down and yet he had left wordlessly.

  Later that evening Bella discovered the Duke hadn’t left so wordlessly after all. A note was delivered to her bedroom shortly before supper.

  It was short and terse and left no room for arguments.

  “My carriage will pick you up tomorrow at noon sharp. The wedding will go ahead as planned.”

  It was a completely impersonal note, he hadn’t bothered to address her by name or sign
it, but she recognized it by his seal stamped in wax on the bottom of the page.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

  Bella packed her own bags that evening, she felt drained and empty. She felt no animosity towards the Duke and resigned herself to accept whatever fate had in store for her as just punishment for her sins. She knew her chances of a good, honorable marriage were over. And she should feel thankful the Duke still wanted to marry her in spite of her actions, especially if she was carrying another man’s child. But she felt was like a blank slate, with no emotions. If anything she hated the idea of being indebted to this man for life, for saving her reputation. And that was the hardest pill to swallow.

  Beautiful, spirited, proud Arabella Barrington who had sworn she would never allow a man to dictate her life would now be indebted to one for life. She who had gone to such great lengths to settle for nothing less than love had been cheated by that very emotion. And now she had no more fight left within her so when the carriage arrived the next day exactly at noon, she thanked Edith and Charles for their hospitality, kissed Mavis goodbye before dutifully heading back to London and to home, an obedient daughter at last. Her parents were overjoyed at her return to say the least. And very tactfully avoided any reference to where she was or what she had been up to. The story of her leaving to visit relatives seemed to hold. The wedding was planned for the following week and Bella didn’t care. She continued to live in a haze and the only time she cracked a smile was when Mavis arrived at the house on the morning of the wedding. Everything else felt like a dream. She was unaware of the ride to the church, of the guests or of anything else. She couldn’t even focus on the man standing at the altar, the man who would soon become her husband.

  She parroted back the vows, feeling numb. She was thankful for the thick, lace veil, which hid her face and obstructed her view. She didn’t think she could stand to look the Duke in the face, not when he had hardly spoken a word to her. The ceremony ended at the church because the Duke had urgent business at the palace and wouldn’t be back till the evening. The formal reception had been organized for the following night. Bella secretly hoped the Duke wouldn’t be back till she was asleep, if there was one thing she wasn’t looking forward to was the wedding night. But unfortunately God wasn’t on her side, she was still wide-awake when the Duke crept into their dark bedroom late at night. With no words he slipped into the bed and began to kiss her. Startled she tried to move away but he tightened his grip on her and continued to mold her lips with his.

  The kiss felt familiar, the body felt familiar. Was Bella losing her mind, was she so consumed by her thoughts of Luke she was beginning to hallucinate? Everything about the embrace felt familiar and right. When Thomas’ lips travelled down from her lips to the hollow of her neck, she moaned out loud hungry for his touch. She arched her back involuntarily and pressed herself closer to the hard body wanting more. The next instant she moved away from him, everything felt wrong. This felt wrong, she couldn’t consummate her marriage to her husband, not like this!

  “I can’t do this.” She said in a strangled whisper.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I can’t stop thinking about him. Everything feels like him.” She whispered miserably in the darkness. She didn’t care if Thomas sent her off to a convent or banished her to a home in the countryside, she couldn’t go through with his sacred and intimate act.

  She waited with bated breath for his temper to flare. But it didn’t come. Instead after a few minutes of silence he growled in his low voice,

  “Put on a robe, we’re going for a walk.”

  “Now?” she asked nervously. “It’s the middle of the night.”

  “Right now.” He said firmly.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:

  Feeling scared by what was about to transpire she slid out of bed and slipped a velvet cloak around her shoulders. The last thing she wanted to do was go anywhere with her husband but she knew she had no choice. Thomas grabbed her by the hand, none too gently and led her out of the bedroom, down three flights of stairs and several long hallways until they found themselves outside in a garden towards the back of the mansion.

  “What are we doing here?”

  He didn’t respond and lead her deeper into the shadows, she was reminded of the night months ago when she had first met Luke. Like that night, a sliver of the moon hung perched in the sky, bathing everything in a warm glow.

  They walked for a few minutes silently and then Thomas stopped abruptly, he pushed her up against a tree and without any warning he kissed her fiercely, passionately, almost angrily. Bella wanted to cry out in anger but something wasn’t right. She couldn’t be imagining this, she wasn’t crazy, nor was she dreaming. The kiss was too real. She pushed the man she had married away from her, tearing her lips away from him. She grabbed his hand and this time she was the one pulling him, she hurried to a spot in the garden illuminated by moonlight. Then taking in a deep breath she turned around and looked at her husband’s face for the first time. During the ceremony she had been shrouded in a veil and saw nothing but a hazy figure, then he had only reappeared at night when all the lamps had been blown out.

  “It’s you.” It was a statement not a question. She felt foolish, she should have known from the moment he first touched her in the bedroom it couldn’t have been anyone else but Luke.

  “It’s me.”

  “Who are you really? The gardener? The groom? A Duke? A betrayer?”

  “My name is Thomas Luke Chambray, and I’m a man who has loved you for a very long time. A man who wanted you to love me for me, once I realized how important that was to you.”

  “I don’t understand.” Bella felt no relief or joy at this turn of events. She felt only confusion and a deep sense of being wronged somehow. Her emotions toyed with.

  “I guess I owe you an explanation.”

  Bella didn’t answer, she looked away instead. She was too hurt at the moment to really care.

  “That night when we first kissed, I had just arrived in the city, I came earlier than was expected and I came over to your house because I wanted to see you. I stumbled across you in the garden and you were mumbling to yourself about how unhappy you were. I couldn’t tell you then who I was, you hated me enough as it was. So I kissed you instead. And then one thing led to another and I found myself following you down to the country pretending to be a groom so we could get to know each other with no pretenses.”

  “But you left.”

  “I did because I was too scared to admit what I had done, I was scared I might lose you again, so I left and…”

  “Forced me to marry the Duke whom I loathed.” Bella finished the sentence for him.

  He didn’t respond because he suddenly saw it through her eyes and felt badly for what he had done. He took in the hunched shoulders and the stormy eyes gazing into the darkness and moved towards her and gathered her closely in his arms. He waited for her to pull away and was relieved when she didn’t.

  “You’ve really loved me all this time?”

  “Yes, really truly I have. And do you love me?” he asked in turn.

  “I do.” She said the words softly.

  Bella wanted to hold on to the hurt feelings but she couldn’t. A peaceful, thrilling joy was overcoming the anger and pain. All she could think of was she had found her fairy tale love after all.

  THE END

  Nursing the Soldier

  By: Stephanie Hunt

  Chapter One:

  Thaddeus could hardly hear over the shells falling around him and the boom of the long guns. The siege had been going on since three days after the second Boer War began. The fourteenth of October, 1899. He had a feeling he’d never forget that day. Or this one. February 15, 1900, when it looked as if the siege might end.

  The months of worrying about water, supplied by the De Beers mine, of food shortages, of being shelled daily, they were almost over. If he could survive the rescue attempt, that is. He raised his rifle to his shoulder and returned fire.
Horses shied and whinnied all around him and he concentrated on staying out from under their frantic hooves.

  Dust choked him and he coughed, rubbing his sleeve across his face. The sleeve was ripped now and nearly worn through at the elbows. The long Tom went off again and he heard someone yell raggedly. He didn’t have time to look.

  General French was coming with his mounted division and they would need cover fire. He moved to the front and reloaded. His hands didn’t shake as they had the first time he’d done this. The training for the Lee Metford magazine rifle hadn’t been much, but he’d become a better shot over the months they’d been pinned down in Kimberley.

  As he raised the rifle to his shoulder again, he thought of how much he wanted to be home. Or anywhere that the grim specter of death didn’t leer at him in such close quarters. The other men probably felt the same way, but none of them would admit it to each other. Most of them probably didn’t even admit it to themselves.

  There was a brief lull and another man caught Thad’s eye.

  “How’re you holding up, Bennett?”

  “Just fine,” he said. Both of them were shouting over the ringing in their own ears. “Planning what I’m going to do when I get home tonight!”

  Obviously none of them would be home that night, but it bolstered morale to think about it. Several other men called out suggestions.

  “Going to get this damned dust off of me!” one said. “Hottest water I can stand and soak till I look like a prune!”

  No one mocked this suggestion. The dust had been rubbing them raw for weeks now. He hadn’t thought that being dusty could be so uncomfortable.

  “I’m going to eat until I feel sick!” the man beside him said with a grin. “None of this rationing at home!”

  That wasn’t true. There’d be rationing there too, but it wouldn’t be as strict as what they put up with where they were. A town besieged for months simply doesn’t have a large surplus to feed anyone.